Nikki (Laura Dern) is a married actress who ends up in bed with her co-star (Justin Theroux), but is it an affair or just acting? When the two start calling each other by their characters' names, the faint line between fact and fiction gets even fuzzier in this David Lynch mystery. Jeremy Irons stars as Kingsley, the director of the film within the film who does little to help the characters -- or the audience -- distinguish reality from fantasy.
Sounds intriguing, no?
And perhaps it would have been except for one thing: The David Lynch factor. Because you just never know about a David Lynch film (see: Mullholland Drive, etc.) and Inland Empire was no exception.
I'll just try to sum up the plot for you (and, don't worry, there's no such thing as a spoiler in a David Lynch film). Laura Dern and Justin Theroux and are starring in a movie directed by Jeremy Irons. Laura and Justin learn from Jeremy on the first day of the shoot that the film is actually a re-make of the original film which was never finished because (dramatic pause) the original stars were murdered.
Unfortunately, this is the first and last bit of coherent information the film has to offer. Otherwise we are treated to (in no particular order): a beat up hooker crying in a hotel room, a crazy woman with a screwdriver, a pistol, a jealous husband, random scenes in Poland, various sets and sound stages, three people dressed up as large brown furry hares (as in "rabbits") on a stage, France, mobsters, a scary clown face, a chorus of hookers, something about a watch and some silk, the circus, something about animals, an unwanted pregnancy, ketchup, some VERY SIGNIFICANT letters on a metal door, a game show, gratuitous startling moments, and endless ominous music.
At least sixty percent of the movie was made up of this:
Extreme close-ups of Laura Dern.
We are now on a first-name basis with all of Laura's pores and have a more than nodding acquaintance with the inside of her nostrils. If she wasn't before filming this movie, Laura is now an expert on what I've come to call the "concerned-bordering-on-terrified" with a twist of "eyes-glistening-with-unshed-tears" facial expression . I cannot begin to tell you how often the film featured this look. Almost constantly.
When Laura wasn't expressing The Look, she was often screaming or vomiting blood. I have absolutely no trouble imagining that this film could have sent the girl into a complete emotional tailspin. I have no idea how you dig deep enough to emote terror and misery in response to what seemed to me to be no logical plot stimulus whatsoever.
Laura? If you're reading, honey, please get into therapy. You deserve it.
During the course of the of film, Christina and I had conversations that went like this:
ME
Are those horses?
CHRISTINA
NO! They're rabbits!
ME
Rabbits?
CHRISTINA
Look at their ears.
ME
Oh, right. Their ears.
CHRISTINA
They could be donkeys.
ME
That's it! Donkeys. They look like donkeys.
SATAN
(coming in late)
Are those rats?
ME
They could be rats.
CHRISTINA
They are HARES.
ME
Sometimes Laura Dern calls the donkeys. On that phone over there.
CHRISTINA
Back to the Warsaw ghetto.
ME
That girl disappeared.
CHRISTINA
This scaring me.
ME
Look! The watch! Now we have to burn a hole through the silk.
Look! The watch! Now we have to burn a hole through the silk.
CHRISTINA
Wait, it's hooker time again!
ME
Oh my god, no.
CHRISTINA
She isn't going to...kiss the hooker?
CHRISTINA AND ME
NOOOOOOOOooooooooooo!
(But it happened anyway.)
Here's the thing, though: we kept watching.
You could say we were hoping in vain for some sort of coherent resolution (which we were) or you could say we were morbidly fascinated (which we were), but the truth is we threw away time we will never see in our lives again. For hours. On a movie with no discernible plot and absolutely no payoff whatsoever.
Which is why you gotta say David Lynch has got something going on.
I'm just not sure what.
1 comment:
Ha ha ha..."We are now on a first-name basis with all of Laura's pores and have a more than nodding acquaintance with the inside of her nostrils." Great review, Bizzy!
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