Okay, I'll stop the La Lohan talk. But seriously, I did miss a whole day posting, something that hasn't happened since I was miserably employed. The truth is, I somehow am now busier than I was when I had a job.
I know. What is UP with that?
Plus, my Dad and company is in for a visit and this can only mean one thing. The copious consumption of adult beverages. Which, as you may recall, I have suddenly developed zero tolerance for, meaning after about two of said beverages, I'm walking into walls, singing karaoke, and forgetting what day it is.
So, it wasn't long into last night's festivities at my kitchen table before everyone's attention was naturally drawn to this:
What is that you ask? Well, I wasn't going to mention it, but SATAN BOUGHT THAT. Yes! Paid money! For an ancient shellacked fish with a bayonet for a nose. This is an affront to my taste so henious, so unimaginable, SO REPULSIVE that I have been unable to even JOKE about it up until now.
Even at this minute, I'm not sure how funny it is considering we JUST HAD A YARD SALE during which we pawned off all our unwanted crap on our unsuspecting neighbors, and the next day...THE. NEXT. DAY. Satan has the nerve to enter my house carrying that monstrosity like a trophy. For once, I was rendered completely speechless with horror. Me. Speechless. In case you can't tell? The thing is probably five feet long nose to tail.
So, yah, we spent a considerable amount of time last night deliberating on what we should do with the fish. Personally? I was all for spiking the thing, nose first, into the front yard for Satan to find when he returns (he's momentarily out of town). There was talk of my guests taking the fish home with them by installing a small wheel on the tail of the fish and towing it the 250 miles back to central Illinois. What would they do with it when they got there? Say it with me: WHO CARES? Lastly, we discussed suspending it from the roof and then, in our inebriated state, we wandered off and forgot about it.
So yah, the fish is still in my living room.
I'm thrilled.
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