None of these one million things are "blogging".
I'm going on vacation.
Because, you know, I need a break from my highly stressful lifestyle. I can't just garden, go out to dinner, and ponder the age old question of "blue" without surcease. What the hell? I'm exhausted. Spent. Withered. "Give out" as they say in the south. My bones. They ache (mostly due to the six miles I've logged on the treadmill this week with another 3 planned tomorrow...if only, IF ONLY...I would stop eating Pop Tarts).
Guess. JUST GUESS where I'm going!
Well, first, let's review:
1. I have no luck at all.
Pretty self explanatory.
2. The weather is out to get me.
You may remember me from such films as, "A Tornado Chased Me on my Camping Trip" and "An Ice Storm Tried to Kill Me" and "Funnel Clouds Enjoy Hovering Over my House":
Who can forget? "Terror on the Beach":
(Say hello to my last beach vacation.)
And let's just pause right there and fill in that "motion sickness" blank with the back story of: I cannot ride carnival rides that spin and this includes "the swings", or the tilt-a-whirl, or the spider. The "Blair Witch Project" makes me queasy. Air turbulence is something that often causes me to resort to Lamaze breathing techniques. I cannot sit in the back seat of a car during long journeys on winding country roads without my stomach starting to lurch around like a blindfolded Charlie Sheen on a 3-day bender.
I am still traumatized by my first encounter with motion sickness that happened in the floorboard of a (let's just say) "vintage" Ford (I'm certain) on a summer day many decades ago. Back then, I had no idea why I suddenly felt "hot" and dizzy and sweaty and then...queasy...and then...
I don't remember any other specific details like what happened afterward or who else was there. What I DO remember, however, and very vividly, is what I was wearing. And that would be shorts with a seam up the middle, a striped sleeveless shirt and a pair of red ball jets (tennis shoes). Those shorts and that shirt were this color:
A color that, for years afterward, I would associate in my mind with that hot, sick, close, dizzy, feeling that preceded the burning upchuck explosion that--horrible as it was to endure--didn't even lead to relief, but rather only to feeling a little more queasy and sicker and even more dizzy. A color that, just the mere sight of would cause my stomach to do a slow, sick roll. A color that I would forever after think of and refer to as and dread as and randomly expect others to recognize as:
car sick blue.
And so, friends, with all THAT said.
Got any guesses as to my vacation destination?
What? Did you say:
THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE ON A SAIL BOAT?
What, are you kidding?
THAT WOULD BE CRAZY!
And, of course, that would be exactly where I'm going.
Never fear, I'm taking a HUGE amount of photo stick mega-byte memory along with every POSSIBLE motion sickness remedy known to mankind: ginger lozenges, ginger gum, limes, sea bands, Meclizine, and a huge amount of researched strategies (widen your stance for one--sounds crazy but is supposedly helpful). I've been taking ginger for months now to get it built up in my system.
Wish me luck.
And if I don't make it back?
You have my express permission to laugh because, God knows, I would.
[But watch this space. Something might post while I'm gone. ooooo...Spooky!]