Mayhem and Foolishness

I’ll just confess right off.

I’ve been on a murderous rampage. Against my plants.

Everybody knows about mine and the S-Man’s balcony rivalry. This year, he pulled ahead early with two kinds of roses, velvety purple petunias (normally my trademark plant) and a philodendron that I think he’s secretly been fertilizing with plump ripe baby butts when I’m not around. Because it’s just that crazy big. Look:

And then. Then. He plants a rose garden.

So, I got fairly despondent early on. And completely lost interest shortly thereafter.

Meanwhile my plants have been moldering away alternately starving for water or suffering through the occasional total water logging.

The other day, my Lantana managed to rip itself from its hanging pot and fling itself to certain death on the ground below. I noticed this while walking to my car on the way to the post office. And was pretty much, “Eh,” about it.

Anyone visiting this summer and having the bad misfortune of ending up on my balcony (which, for the record, is quite a few people) has been greeted by a complete total overgrown mess. Dirt everywhere. Weeds. Complete “mayhem and foolishness” as my friend, Niecy Nash, would say.

So, yah, while I’ve been diligently scraping off my window, and crafting and re-crafting pin boards for my jewelry, and, oh by the way, look at my pegboard:

I rescued the it from the yard sale, hung it my OWN SELF, and then had the best time ever visiting the hardware store and buying various hanging devices (most for less than 50 cents) to attach to it. Seriously fun stuff.

Anyway, what were we talking about?

Right, my plants. At some point this summer my plants went from “Mommy’s babies” to “needy bastards”. I don’t know when it happened.

This week the whole situation came to a head when I ventured out there to try and enjoy one of the first cool evenings we’ve had in a while and was attacked by a swarm of vicious mosquitos that had evidently spawned in a forgotten watering can under a chair.

Something Had to be Done.

I called son Chase and gifted him my succulent collection that he and, GF, Tasha, have long admired.

And then? Well, then there was a lot of tossing away up to and including yanking up some plants by the roots.

I know. I can be brutal. But I am just over it.

It’s not all going. There are some sentimental favorites like a Sunrise Cactus that was a gift from son Matthew on a mother’s day five years ago, an Asparagus Fern from the S-Man, and some unique plants that I find exceptionally beautiful as well as high performing.

Otherwise? They’re outta here. Finicky? Buh-bye. Wouldn’t bloom? Flung to the ground below. Leggy? See ya. Limp? Meet Mr. Trash Bag.

I’d post a picture of the newly cleaned balcony, but after three days of on-and-off work, it still isn’t finished.

Maybe tomorrow.

Have a great holiday weekend everyone!