Monday, May 18, 2009

Everything You Didn't Want to Know about Marcia Brady

So, to save you from reading “Here’s the Story” by Maureen McCormick (because, trust me, you don't want to) here are the (relatively) fast facts about Marcia, Marcia, Marcia:

- ALMOST slept with Greg Brady (but didn’t).

- Hung out at Florence Henderson’s pool at which Florence went around topless. Marcia says Carol Brady had fabulous (real) boobs. (I’m sayin', Go Florence!)

- Regularly wished she was Susan Dey (Partridge Family).

- Had a bad home life...blah, blah, boo-hoo blah, etc.

- Reports Bob Reed who played Mike Brady regularly argued with producers about the show's "unrealistic" content. (Earth to Mike Brady: "Brady" and "realistic", by nature, are not words often [if ever] found in the same sentence, that was kinda the point.)

- Reports Eve Plumb, aka Jan Brady, liked to romp around the dressing room stark naked and fart (apologies to all you Jan lovers for that mental picture).

- Had crushes on the following: Greg Brady, Mike Brady (she was the last to learn Mike was gay), Jack Klugman, Tony Randall, Davy Jones, Peter Tork.

- Got her first period whole shooting a Brady Bunch scene wearing white pants.

- ALMOST fell pray to the casting couch (but didn’t).

- Terminated several pregnancies in her younger days (but well after the Brady Bunch stint).

- Got hooked on cocaine. Bad hooked. Traded sex for cocaine sometimes.

- Had a serious relationship with actor Gregory Harrison (of Trapper John, M.D. fame) that ended because of her drug habit.

- Had a date with Steve Martin. They kissed, she was high, that was it. (By the way, Steve Martin is apparently obsessed with ethereal blondes: Bernadette Peters, Victoria Tenent, etc.)

- Deflected the romantic advances of her “Brady Brides” co-star Jerry Houser, but ultimately accompanied him to the new-age church he attended, found The Lord there, then strength to begin to kick the coke habit, then met her husband at this same church.

- She relapsed on the coke many times.

- Her husband (above) is hunky. Marcia didn’t sleep with said hunky hubby until after the wedding ceremony (?!). They have one daughter, Natalie, born in 1985.

- She does not have more children because her husband thought she was basically too unstable. Which leads me to…

- Marcia's kinda nutty. Drama queen, control freak, given to hysterics. The usual.

So, there you go. I hope you guys are satisfied. I can't keep reading and cherry-picking fun facts from these crappy books for you people. Honestly, I should be doing Quality Reading while I'm not in school (for three whole weeks) rather than feeding your insatiable need for behind-the-scenes Hollywood dish.


Brenda said...

Now let me get this right: Marcia traded sex for cocaine, but did NOT sleep with her husband before they got married?

Well, whatever turns her!

Nikki D. May said...

Don't blame us innocent folks out here for your addiction to trashy reading material!

Suzanne said...

You know it's all your fault, Nikki. At least you could own up to it.

Anna said...

That last paragraph is hilarious. You kinda make me want to read that book.

wombspotter said...

Who gives a rat's ass about these has beens trying to milk the public for more money. For the love of fuck if your stupid ass didn't make enough off the Brady Bunch through the income and investments then you get what you deserve. Beside this bitch was never that good looking. Whoever got an iron over Marsha Brady is probably a fucking sexless needle dick.

Masscontractor said...

Probable like you. WHO else would write such a immature comment

Masscontractor said...

Probable like you. WHO else would write such a immature comment