Monday, January 05, 2009

Drinking, soaking, and drinking. (Enter at your own risk.)

I don’t know what it was about this holiday season, but it seems to have gone on FOREVER.

I know I’m not the only one who thinks so because I’ve had the conversation with more than one person and all three of us agree: THIS HOLIDAY SEASON WENT ON FOREVER. Praise God it’s over.

My usual strategy of throwing money at Christmas until it goes away wasn’t possible this year due to my precarious financial state and my advanced age makes drinking away the season, while still possible, rather more painful than it used to be (the next day). Especially when
it goes on for this long.

I have to admit a small triumph in that I still pulled off my usual champagne Christmas brunch by stretching two bottles of champagne to great lengths. I made a strawberry punch as opposed to my usual Mimosas. By mixing two liters of ginger ale, pureed frozen strawberries, and a frozen OJ and maraschino cherry floater thing in a (borrowed-yay!) punch bowl, the festivities proved to be merry as ever without corks popping on the half-hour. This slowed the rate at which holiday money flies out my ass considerably and, best of all, painlessly. Champagne punch, it turns out, is even more festive than mimosas. I’m guessing this is due to the increased fizziness caused by the ginger ale and the very strawberry whang the pureed fruit contributes.

Speaking of liquor (because I’m apparently unable to stop)…

I need to update you on the situation with Sam Shepard which may or may not have been brought to my attention while I wasn't hanging out at Facebook. Poor Sam, it seems, had a few too many at a bar in Bloomington, Illinois (my former hometown) while en route to to my very own Bluegrass state. Having Sam Shepard following me around sounded like a really good idea because, hey...

Va-Va-Voom, eh?

Then I was treated to Sam's mug shot.

Yah. Ouch.

I think there might just be a lesson buried somewhere in this post.

I'll leave it to you to sort out just what it might be.


NGS said...

Wouldn't that cause you to get an infection or something? I mean, I know alcohol can be used to disinfect and all, but sticking in on a tampon? That seems to, I don't know, imply some sort of medical risk (beyond the obvious alcohol in your precious nether regions).

I stand in awe and thank you for this visual image that will haunt me to my grave.

Nikki D. May said...

The chronic dieter in me thinks - oooh... buzz without the calories!

Brenda said...

Well, I NEVER...!

Not to change the subject, Mona, but I think Sam removed his dentures before they snapped his mug shot.

Suzanne said...

I'm now wondering...if the police catch on to this latest method of getting your buzz on--could it change the "face" of the breathalyzer forever?

Kristin said...

Two comments....
1. Yes, the holiday season went on for too damn long. very long. I ripped down decorations at the first chance.
2. As stepmom to college sophomores....YIKES. Thanks for one more thing to worry about. OMG.

Patience-please said...

To quote the highly quotable Aynex,
"I think I just vomitted a little."

But... thank you for your generous comment. It meant a lot to me.

Anonymous said...

The front-butt buzz. It's not right, it's just not right!

Doesn't that take the social aspect of having a few a little too far?

Suzanne said...

The "Front-Butt Buzz"--LOVE IT!

Rhonda said...

Sam doesn't look quite the same, does he. Interesting post, kinda sad but yet funny at the same time.