How Not to Look Old

[Updated to Add: Umm....I think Charla Krupp herself may have commented on this post!?!? Could it be? Check the comments. Her profile is disabled--Hey Charla! Unlock your profile! (Because I need to know whether to plotz from the excitement of it all or not.)]

Honestly, is that not a title that pretty much sums it up?

Basically, once a girl gets to a certain age, the rest is just a battle against the inevitable. Against cuffed sweatpants with Reebok's. Against the elastic waist pant with matching embellished holiday themed tee-shirt. [The message: Don't look at me, I look like hell, look at the glittery Christmas tree plastered on my sagging rack! Wee!] We could write a (really depressing) book about it. Called "How Not to Get Laid. Ever."

These days, with all the products, procedures and advice at our fingertips not looking old isn't as hopeless as it used to be. Janice is Dickinson is 53. Glenn Close is sixty-one. Here she is last year:

Helen Mirren anyone?

Sixty-three. Yep, there's a sister looking like a million bucks while she cashes her social security check.

Wondering how they do it? Well, wonder no more. Charla Krupp has written the book on it. How Not to Look Old: Fast and effortless ways to look 10 years younger, 10 pounds lighter, 10 times better, is chock full of tips, advice, how-to's, and perhaps, mostly importantly, instructions on what NEVER to do (i.e., the micro-mini at your age--for god's sake STOP IT).

How this gem of a book passed me by on release date is truly a mystery.

Fortunately, that's what friends are for. Mine showed up at my house on Saturday, told me about the book, and then drove me to Books-a-Million and bought me one. Thanks, Jill! (And, no, it wasn't an intervention. There really is something in there for everyone.)

I've been mostly unable to put the book down since I got it.

Because I love you guys, I'm going to give you the basic outline:

1. Cut Some bangs.


2. Lighten your hair.


3. Tame those brows. (And stop over-plucking. I beg you.)


4. Chic Up your eyewear


5. Lose the heavy liner. (The thinner line is the up-to-date line.)


6. Unmask your foundation.


7. Manage your wrinkles.


8. Put on pink lipstick. (Sounds familiar.)


9. Whiten your teeth.


10. Wear your own nails.


11. Unmatch your wardrobe.


12. Shorten your skirts (To just above matronly.)


13. Slip into the perfect pair of jeans. (Gap Long and Leans per me and William Sledd.)


14. Follow the three-bling rule when dressing for evening. (Super fun. The book explains.)


15. Learn to love shapewear. (Oy vey.)


16. Show some leg.


17. Step into sexy heels.

And that's just the beginning. There is, literally, something of interest to be found on every page--even if you're fairly hip yourself, you'll find tons of additional helpful tid-bits.

The book differentiates between the "OL" old lady and "Y&H" the young and hip way. Charla makes a pretty good case for cream blush, for instance, and gives us the new SIX step method of applying foundation:

1. Cleanse


2. Exfoliate (with a gentle mini-peel.)


3. Restore (with a serum). I'm recommending mine on Tuesday--stay tuned.


4. Moisturize (of course!)


5. Prime. (Gee. Where have we heard that before?)


6. Apply foundation.

We never said it was easy to beat back time, just that it's somewhat possible, right?

The book is available locally as stated above and the library has one (instead of the hundred they should have) copy that's (surprise!) overdue. And of course there's always Amazon.

I'd let you borrow mine.

But you'd have to pry it from my cold, dead hands.