The foot? It is big.

It’s been a HUGE news day in our little town.

First, a report in the local paper on the controversy about what to call the neighborhood I live in. Is it “Lowertown”, or “Lower Town”, or “LowerTown”? Good LORD, we must get to the bottom of this!

AND, (brace yourselves), there has been a BigFoot footprint sighting at a major wilderness area to the east of us known as Land Between The Lakes. That’s right, BigFoot (Or is it “Bigfoot”?) lives! At LBL! And he’s leaving footprints! DIRECTLY in the path of BigFoot researchers! It just so happens!

Immediately, upon reading the Big Foot news, I dropped everything and called the world’s biggest BigFoot fan: Satan.

Have you ever seen that “In Search of Bigfoot” show on the Discovery Channel? Where a team of researchers tromps all over the greater northwestern United States armed with the most sophisticated Bigfoot Research Equipment known to man? They have Bigfoot cameras! Bigfoot audio recording devices! Infrared night vision Bigfoot binoculars!

And for a solid two hours the Bigfoot researchers roam the wilderness (always in the dark for some reason) searching for Bigfoot. Finally, after a full hour of the show has elapsed, they are sure they hear Bigfoot! And then for the next half hour they are sure they smell Bigfoot! And then, finally, there’s a grand finale where they find a tuft of what is obviously Bigfoot’s fur! Caught on a barbed wire fence!

EUREKA! And then the show just...ends.

I have seen this show, people.

Yes, I have seen this show FIVE TIMES.

Because, despite the fact that Satan is too good to be subjected to any of my favorite fluff TV like “Clean House” or “Mission Organization”, there is simply no limit to his capacity for Bigfoot TV.

It doesn’t matter if we’ve seen it before. Is it BIGFOOT?! Then we’re watching it again, baby!

Yes, Satan loves him some Bigfoot.

Which doesn’t exactly explain why he’s asleep on the couch instead of at LBL right now.