That would be: Danger, Will Robinson.
Ohmygosh. The girls in question would be Crystal and I. We were perhaps unwisely turned loose from work at noon.
It all started innocently enough. We were going to be reasonable. Responsible. Have a little lunch. Do a little shopping. We had coupons.
FIVE coupons.
But we would never need that many! No, of course not! Five coupons we said...HA! HAhaha! Five coupons. Ridiculous! We laughed to each other over our pasta con broccollis.
Of course, do the math, Pasta House is right next to...say it with me: the crack cocaine of the fragrance world: Bath and Body Works. Stuff was on sale!
We started small with the five hand soaps for ten dollars. They practically paid for themselves! You can't not take advantage of a deal like that! You almost feel sorry for Bath and Body Works. Guilty, even.
Then there was...Victoria's Secret.
SALE! I tell you sale. Half price, HALF PRICE bras.
(Warning: I'm going to talk about my boobs now. It's not the first time. If you are someone who would be upset by this? Now is the time for you to scoot along. SCOOT!)
Okay, I don't know about you, but I keep seeing women, like, everywhere, with the girls hefted up ridiculously high on their chests. And, it has come to my attention, that the girls actually look pretty nice in this heightened state.
And, there's really no excuse for my not being in the know about the latest boob enhancement technology, I do, after all, watch What Not to Wear about six times a weekend. How often have Stacey and Clinton lectured a girl about the importance of the proper brassier? I'll tell you. Practically every show, that's how often.
Still, I was in the dark until I experienced the revelation of engineering technology that is the Victoria's Secretary Sexy Push Up Bra today.
Ya'll? If you're a woman, like me, of, shall we say, a certain age (and probably even if you're not), you have to have one of these. I'm telling you. Go ahead on and redefine your whole entire upper body with a single incredibly comfortable foundation garment. Trust me on this.
According to the VS website:
Revolutionary bra technology with a fashionable secret: provocative prints or contrast color inside the cup. Also in all-over solid colors. Padded one-piece push-up bra with patent-pending technology. Seam free. Label free. Stitch free. Twinned adjustable straps are convertible and can be worn halter, racerback or two-strap. Underwire cups. Hidden back closure. Imported nylon/spandex.
Are you with me here? They have applied for a patent on this thing. And don't let the "padded" part fool you (I nearly did). It's not padding like padding, it's engineering, it's architecture, it's structure. I tell you there's the Golden Gate Bridge, the Sears Tower, the Pyramids, and The Victoria's Secret Sexy Push Up Bra. And? Don't ask me how, but they're not kidding about "no seams" and "No stitches". This thing is made out of some kind of new kind of material. Possibly from outer space. It's like super light foam rubber. Best of all? The thing is on sale for half price right now.
Just go try one on...GO!
After the bra acquisition, we were just barely warmed up. But we had the taste of blood in our mouths and it was to be a feeding frenzy over at New York and Company.
I'm not sure, but I think we may have been adopted by our sales clerk at some point. We spent hours in the dressing room. HOURS. We went through the entire line, shirt by shirt, capri pant by capri pant. Nothing looked too weird on the hanger for us. People in neighboring dressing rooms were asking for fashion advice. Pretty soon, we were adding accessories. They had to bring in miniature back-hoes to clear out our fitting rooms twice for reloading. Crystal spent some time shouting directions to various items of interest to questioning fellow shoppers from the entrance of the dressing room, i.e.,
"NO, to the LEFT next to the WRAP SHIRTS underneath the KHAKI CAPRI ANKLE PANTS...LEFT, WOMAN, LEEEEEFT! And get a black body shaper to wear under that. BLACK! Yes, good that'll work! No, wait, NOOO, not the horizontal stripes. Yes, that's better, good job! Now try that on together, ma'am."
And so on.
And then there was the check-out!
Good Lord, the check-out.
It took Crystal, the sales clerk, the cash register, and a separate calculater to determine the most optimal method of employing our five coupons and grouping clothes into the best possible number of transactions (a lady in line behind us tried to toss in the purse she was buying at one point to make it work).
After all that, what could we do but head to Starbucks?
It wasn't until I got home and tried on the wonder bra with my new purchases that I realized just what a bonanza I had going on. Check me out. I'm actually in danger of smothering in my very own cleavage:
1 comment:
Its really great post about online shopping coupons and boobs.
i have seen sears coupon codes for Craftsman Tools, Fitness Equipment, Kenmore Appliances, Lawn & Garden and so many other categories are there.
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