Who loves ya, baby?

You never really think you’re going to grow up to be the girl that needs the proverbial concealed file in a cake, you know? The tragic star of her own personal Shawshank who suddenly finds her fabulous, law abiding self chained to a bench on a random Tuesday morning.

Turns out that while a certain city department in blue has been conspiring to keep a sister down, I'm very happy to report that certain other city departments have been conspiring to bust a sister out:

Ladies and gentlemen, from the minds of the people who brought ice skating and wired hot spots to the local masses, comes a product so handy, so GENIUS that no [Paducah] girl's glove box should be without one.

Introducing The Liberty Muffin:

Because sometimes justice is...well. Insane.

[norestrictionsapplyprohibitedeverywhereavailableonlyinblueberrybecauseitsmyfavoriteflavorifyourestillinthejailafterapplyingfileforseventytwohoursyourareevenmorefuckedthaniwasandthatssayingsomethingfinallyifyouhearthepolicearelookingforyouDONOTCALLTHEMFOOL]

Thanks guys. Obviously? I needed that.