Saturday, May 03, 2008

NashVegas: The Incoherent Hotel Post

1. Bunny Ranch. News of.
2. Pool. Game after game.
3. Drinking a 4.0 (Bohemian Pale Ale)
4. Clarence. At the Liquor Store. Thinks we're pilots. Randomly. We don't discourage him.
4. Being Ignored.
5. Pretty feet.
6. Shrimp Penne.
7. Tragically? The band is Phoenix Rising. Over earnest female lead singer lost in the eighties. We leave as the Cyndi Lauper begins. She doens't know the words to "Time After Time". Oy the pain.
8. Biker people. Revving their motors. To make up for their myriad shortcomings. No one is fooled.
9. I have a Pob. But I'm not telling anybody.
10. Next stop? Much further south.

[Edited to add: I forgot to mention that I was fitted with contact lenses just before I left town. Unfortunately, it is a requirement of Doctor's Value Vision that one demonstrate the ability to both insert and remove said lenses before they will allow you to leave the store with them. This proved a little challenging for me. Despite the fact that I have been torturing my eyes with various cosmetics for the better part of. Well. Several decades.

I was given instructions and then abandoned with nothing save a tiny mirror in a dark corner of the store. There, I poked myself in the eye for several hours trying to get the lenses in. Did I mention? This was very difficult because...I CAN'T SEE. This is why I, in fact, require CORRECTIVE LENSES. I became so frustrated in fact that I actually left the lenses at the store the first night convinced I was NEVER GETTING THEM IN.

Finally? I went back knowing I would either a) Get the contacts in b) Continue to resemble Peter Billingsley for the rest of my natural damn life. After another fifteen minutes without success I asked the staff, "Is there anyone here who can actually help me with this?" Whereupon a round red headed lady was rustled from the back of the store. Rather than abandoning me with the mirror, she stayed with me and guided my efforts to insert the lenses. And what do you know? On my second attempt? SUCCESS!

People? You would have thought I was Helen Keller with a lens implant. I was all, "I CAN SEE, i CAN SEE! WithOUT glasses!!!! WOOOHOOOO!" I leapt from my chair and started jumping and flailing my arms around. I'm not kidding. I was that excited. Ya'll don't know.

The Doctor's Value Vision staff? Were all...whatever. Yawn. Drool.

Meanwhile I'm all, "Gimme a phone book! [Still jumping] I bet I can READ IT...WOOOOOOO!"

Instead, they rolled their eyes and handed me a People Magazine.

And I'm all...."WoooooooHOOOOO! I can totally READ THIS!!! WOOOOO!"

So, anyway. I have contacts. I can see. Woo.]

1 comment:

monica said...

Hey, way to go there! I know that feeling of being able to see. It's nice. Although now THAT I WORK I wear glasses from computer eye fatigue. Enjoy your last week of messing around!