Lights Out

As a blogger, I've found only one thing more satisfying than getting a post off my chest that I feel is at least marginally clever and coherent.

And that is being the the subject of someone else's clever blog post. (Just don't make me stand next to her. I'm convinced I would come off like Jabba the Hutt by comparison. For serious.)

In other news, I awoke yesterday to a strangely dark and quiet house. When a flip of the bathroom switch didn't result in the light coming on, I was marginally annoyed that I would have to replace the bulb. It wasn't until I stumbled to the kitchen and found my toaster completely uncooperative in response to my efforts to toast my Pop Tarts that I realized something more, shall we say, sinister was afoot.

Bizzyville HQ? Was utterly without electrical power.

That's right: no flat iron, no blow dryer, no make-up mirror, no air conditioning, no Style Channel, no HGTV, and MOST importantly NO INTERNET ACCESS. And ya'll know how I get without my connection. Like a crackhead in a sleep clinic. It ain't pretty.

After quick look at the calendar (yes, I've reached a point where I have mostly no idea what day it is) and a few nervous minutes of calculating, I realized it was the last day of the month. The ex-man and I had agreed that the utilities would be transferred into my name the on the first of May, and I had made arrangements for that to happen weeks ago.

I began to recall the details of those arrangements. My calls to Western Kentucky Gas and Paducah Water Works went smoothly. The utilities would transfer on May 1st. My call to Jackson Purchase? Was a little weird. They couldn't just transfer the service to my name on May 1st based on my phone call.

No, Jackson Purchase Energy would also have to have a call from the ex-man (STILL technically my husband, btw) agreeing to the switch. Because... Because what? Because, I suppose, it might REALLY PISS HIM OFF if I started to pay his electric bill? Or maybe there has been a rash of unsavory characters switching stranger's utilities into their names? MMMMWWWAAAAHAHA!

At the time, I thought the whole thing ridiculous, but still, I shot off an e-mail to the ex-man with instructions that he had to call Jackson Purchase and okay the whole deal. Which he did.

I'll spare you the pain and agony of the details yesterday's frantic calls to Jackson Purchase and the hour or more that it took to unravel the mystery of my lack of electricity. What it boiled down to was that someone at Jackson Purchase took the ex-man's call to mean the electricity must be turned off on April 30th and my call to mean I wouldn't need a drop of power until May 1st.

Evidently, the transferring of electrical power from one person's name to another effective the first of the month is a concept that this particular utility company (unlike all the others) has not yet grasped. What Jackson Purchase MUST DO, what they HAD TO DO is to drive on out and shut OFF the power on April 30, and then plan to make yet another call at my house to turn it back on THE VERY NEXT DAY.

Meantime? No power for me until May 1st.

Unless, of course, I'd be willing to pay a $75 reconnect fee.

And in that case they could roll out some time late in the afternoon and turn it back on. Just, you know, whenever they get around to it.

Like I have a choice. Oh, yah, no, I'll just do without ELECTRICITY for upwards of 24 hours. No biggie! (And if you're keeping count here? You know that they were going to have to make another trip to my house the very next day anyway.)

Naturally, Jackson Purchase is now enjoying my $75 and I'm back to blogging, and doing laundry, and watching the Style Channel and stuff. Except for my butt hurts. From where Jackson Purchase Energy STUCK IT IN AND BROKE IT OFF.

In conclusion, I'd like to award a big ol' Bizzyville Super Snap to Paducah Water and Western Kentucky Gas for consistently, silently, and efficiently providing unbroken utility service to Bizzyville HQ throughout a highly complicated situation such as my own. When you have to switch service into someone else's name. Effective the first of the month.