Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Snaps to John and Kate (Now updated with clumsy but interesting edits at the bottom of this post)

At the risk of making this blog all about what I’m watching, which I’m not at all certain I want to do, I have to comment on the Discovery Channel show, John and Kate Plus 8.

First off, most of you know this already, but in case you don’t, I am the mother of a grown son. My boy Chase is placid and laid back today, but believe me when I say that hasn't always been the case.

He learned to climb out of his crib at around eight months of age (he took his first steps at seven months). When he was around ten months old, I was awakened to the sound of the front door of our apartment slamming closed at dawn one morning, and knowing the two of us were alone in the apartment, quickly deduced that my baby had climbed from his crib, undone the front door deadbolt, swung open the door and was now off on an early morning outing.

Without me.

While coming to all these conclusions mentally, my body had kicked into Mommy Overdrive. I had leapt from the bed, tore through the apartment and landed in the hallway, automatically in a full on ninja crouch, in record time. Unfortunately, there was no baby in sight.

I studied the five possible doors he could have gone through: three leading to other apartments and two that lead to (HORRORS) The Stairs.

As I briefly paused to plot my next move, I heard a muffled conversation coming from the next apartment,

“And how are you today,” an indulgent female voice said.

I knocked on the door. It was opened by a young man I had occasionally passed in the parking lot.

“Um, hi, is my baby here by any chance?” (Words, trust me, no mother really ever imagines herself saying.)

He opened the door wider to reveal Chase sitting at their kitchen table, as the man’s wife stood at the stove.

“We didn’t know whether to fix him breakfast or bring him home,” she said, “He just wandered in a minute ago.”

“Ah, thanks, but we’ll be going now,” I said as I retrieved my missing baby from their kitchen table, thanked them, and silently resolved to immediately buy a lock for the OUTSIDE of Chase’s bedroom door, something I had pondered, but felt was slightly inhumane up to that point. I had that day stumbled upon something far worse than locking a baby in his room: missing baby.

And so it is with this story (and many others like it) in mind that I watch “John and Kate Plus 8” a Discovery Channel series about a Pennsylvania couple with twin six-year-old girls AND six three-year-old sextuplets.

I know I should tear myself away, but when they start showing those J&K+8 marathons? I just can’t stop watching. The shock and awe keeps me coming back for more. I can’t stop asking myself: what would I have done with Chase and five other little munchkins just like him? Oh, and a set of older twins.

Dear God.

Still, John and Kate seem to manage remarkably well. Kate comes off as something of a drill sergeant, occasionally, tending to resort to screeching dog commands i.e., “Go!” “Stay!” at poor John on a regular basis, but overall, I have to give them credit for just getting out of bed every morning.

In that situation? I’m not sure I would.
[Edited to add: And, speaking of too much TV watching, all you HGTV fans out there need to check out Suz At Large's expose on Free Style. Turns out, HGTV defines "free" as $1,000. ]
[Edited AGAIN to add: The iList Blog gets the scoop on William Sledd's BRAVO show. The pilot episode is to be filmed IN PADUCAH. Get the details here.]


Mary Thorsby said...

Bizzy, you crack me up with your traveling baby story! Thanks for the plug at the end. I can't wait to learn more about William's Reality Show!

Suz said...

Thanks for the link to my post about Freestyle; I'm honored.

I'm going to have to visit Paducah. You guys have everything going on.

Suz said...

Earlier, I wrote a comment about your wandering baby story but blogger must have lost it. IMHO the busiest people on the planet are mothers of infants and toddlers.

keena said...

Is ssthat chase in the photo? He walked even earlier than David, who walked at 9 months or so. His first food was refried beans. Do you remember Chase's first foog? I can't remember Mateo's but that was a lot longer ago. A lot. Longer. Re fashion: Why don't they do a hiking/camping motif fashion show? I am happy in my zipoff hiking pants, but surely there is other more attractive attire out there.

Suzanne said...


I'm embarassed to say that I do not remember Chase's first real food! BAD Mommy!