Friday, November 23, 2007

When Projects Attack


My recent lack of bloggage is disturbing, even to me.

I'm blaming it on Christmas and my gift "projects" that I've alluded to in an earlier post. I'm not trying to be cryptic, but I can't talk about it since giftees are blog readers. And, really, it's not even all that original. It's just that I'm the type of person that, in certain situations, can get a little OVERLY obsessed with projects and a little hyper-sensitive to detail and just a tad anal retentive in general.

Couple these tendencies with a major holiday and gifts for loved ones, and you've got a recipe for marathon sessions at the computer tweaking this and adding that and maybe getting a little, well...carried away.

Which is where a concerned friend came in just the other day when she called my cell phone:

(My cell phone rings…not recognizing the number I answer in a professional tone…)

ME
This is Suzanne

CONCERNED FRIEND
It’s just me.

ME
Oh, didn’t recognize the number. Hi! How the hell are ya?!

CONCERNED FRIEND
Fine. So, how are you?

ME
Fine! Just fine! I’m working on my XXX!

CONCERNED FRIEND
Really? You sound really, um, upbeat.

ME
Yep! I’ve been at it for hours! I’m going to e-mail you a picture of XXX.

CONCERNED FRIEND
I’d love to see it. So…how many hours is many hours?

ME
I’m telling you, I don’t know when I’ve had this much fun. And, earlier? I discovered I can also make XXX! So, I’ve been working on that too! I mean, the possibilities? They are endless!

CONCERNED FRIEND
It sounds like it. So, back to my question. How many hours?

ME
Well, let’s see. It’s the strangest thing. I woke up at 3 a.m.! I mean I NEVER do that, right? And I couldn’t go back to sleep so I just started working on XXX and then I was like, wow, I can do this other thing and…

CONCERNED FRIEND
Suzanne?

ME
…I was like, ohmygosh! That opened up a whole NEW realm of possibilities and…

CONCERNED FRIEND
It’s 3 p.m.

ME
Yah?

CONCERNED FRIEND
Let’s do the math together, now. That’s TWELVE hours.

ME
Well, I’ve gotten TONS done on this! I mean I’ve XXXed and then XXXed...and at that point, I was just like, well, heck, might as well…

CONCERNED FRIEND
Suzanne?

ME
Yah?

CONCERNED FRIEND
Is there any wine at your house?

ME
Wine! Sure! We have tons left from Thanksgiving! Do you need some…?

CONCERNED FRIEND
Okay, listen to me carefully now. I want you to step away from the XXX.

ME
But..I’m starting on this other thing that…

CONCERNED FRIEND
I need you to go where the wine is.

ME
(sighs)
Well, okay, I’m walking now…

CONCERNED FRIEND
Okay good…

ME
You think I’m too wound up, don’t you? Well, I’m really not. I just get this way when I’m really into a project, it’s just like, wow, I can’t stop and then I…

CONCERNED FRIEND
Have you located the wine?

ME
Yes, here I am! Like I said there’s tons! What do you think? There’s this Australian Shiraz which, is really good, and then there’s the Clos Du Bois Chardonnay, oh, but wait! I forgot about this Beaujolais….”Beaujolais”! Don’t you just like to say Beaujolais…

CONCERNED FRIEND
Okay, PICK ONE!

ME
Right this minute?!

CONCERNED FRIEND
I’m waiting…

ME
Okay, okay. I’m going Shiraz.

CONCERNED FRIEND
Now…

ME
Pouring!

CONCERNED FRIEND
Excellent.

ME
Damn, that’s good. Hey, I guess this is what everybody means when they say, “Wine for medicinal purposes”, isn’t it? Because, twelve hours? Now that I think of it? Is a REALLY long time!

CONCERNED FRIEND
Okay, now, I’m going to need you to go to the Jacuzzi.

ME
A soak! What a GREAT idea! I’ll head that way…

CONCERNED FRIEND
Do you have your wine with you?

ME
Hey, I’ve got the glass AND the bottle! I’m not THAT crazy!

CONCERNED FRIEND
Very good. Now I want you to call me if, after you have a soak and you drink that wine, if you’re NOT sleepy…

ME
I got it. But I think you don’t have to worry.

CONCERNED FRIEND
Great. And, Suzanne?

ME
Yah?

CONCERNED FRIEND
If you start to make a ***(=hilariously funny thing which I can’t say, but I’m dying to), I want you to call me back okay?

ME
You don’t really think I’d make a *** do you? But, honestly, are ***s really THAT bad?

CONCERNED FRIEND
Just remember.

ME
Right. ***=bad. Got it.

CONCERNED FRIEND
I’m going now. Remember what I said.

(clicks)
Learn more about Buy Nothing Day here.

3 comments:

monica said...

ooops. I hope my own frienzied curtain making didn't get you going! So I guess, we may occasionally have to make some substitutions for afternoon "tea". :)

Suzanne said...

Honestly, "tea" can mean about anything...

Patience-please said...

Ok, I was laughing my head off from this post, and then your google sponsored ad was for Ambien CR! Pop an Ambien in your Shiraz before plopping in the jacuzzi, and before you know it, it will be Christmas and you won't have a single project done! Project? What project?
Patience