Say Hello to my Li'l Friend

That's right it's heeeeeere! The elliptical trainer.

Or, as I like to call it, the Franken-trainer.

See how it dominates my family room? See how it is large and undead?

Most importantly, see those two giant platform thingy's at the bottom? Those are where your feet go. And, in case the Jolly Green Giant stops by and feels like a little low impact aerobic workout? Our platforms are big enough to accommodate him, too. (Whew! I worry about these things.)

All I can say is it's darn lucky we paid extra for the model that folds away for easy storage! In fact, in the picture? It's folded up to it's smallest possible size! For easy storage! I can hardly see it! Can you see it?

Really, it's hardly noticeable.

Franken-trainer was delivered yesterday in a box the size of a briefcase that weight 200 pounds. It took poor Satan five hours and every tool in the house to assemble.

Finally, at around 9:15 last night, Satan (very unobtrusively, I barely noticed), rolled Franken-trainer into the family room where I was enjoying my ump-teenth viewing of "The Accidental Tourist".

SATAN
Well! Here it is!

ME
(sniff) shhhh...this is the part where he's going to see Geena Davis on a Paris street corner!

SATAN
Yep! This is going to be great for cardio!

ME
(turning to look)
Holy sh**! It's gigantic!

SATAN
(beginning to scale the side of Franken-trainer)
It's quiet too!

ME
(observing Satan now assuming the position in the foot platforms)
Do you even know how high off the ground you are?

SATAN
(beginning to Franken-train)
Yep! I can watch TV while I do this!

ME
Your head is, like, eight feet off the ground right about now.

SATAN
Whew! This is quite a work out!

ME
And if you fall off? You could seriously break a hip.

SATAN
(Franken-training)

ME
And you know what that means. If you, you know, break a hip.

SATAN
(Franken-training)

ME
I hope you don't think you're leaving that monstrosity there.

SATAN

(a little winded now)

It folds up.

ME

Does it fold down? Because did I mention? It's REALLY tall.

SATAN

(Climbing off Franken-trainer.)

(This takes a moment.)

ME

I thought heights bothered you.

SATAN

(Now crouched behind Franken-trainer.)

Okay...there.

ME

Yah?

SATAN
I folded it up.

ME

It's folded up? At this time?

SATAN

Yes AT THIS TIME! YES!

ME

Well. That changes everything.