Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Quite Contrary

You’re probably going to find this hard to believe, but there is an ongoing conflict between Satan and me.

Specifically, since we’ve moved to the new place, Satan has dedicated the part of the house that is, essentially, the entry as a…well, an altar. I know, surprising coming from Satan, right? I suppose when you think it through, though, no one needs to get a little closer to the holy than Satan. This altar consists of constantly burning candles in a tray of river rock surrounded by a small picture of Our Lady of Guadalupe, some tall holy candles, one medium sized crucifix, an incense burner, and one large wooden Buddha head on a stick.

It is this assortment of images that essentially greets all visitors to our home.

Now, color me conservative, but I have suggested more than once to Satan that perhaps this is a somewhat bazaar grouping with which to confront, right off, for instance, people we don’t know so well.

For some odd reason, Satan takes my objection to the altar as just one more reason to believe that I spent WAY too much time as a child listening to apoplectic men with unfortunate pompadours telling me I was going straight to hell. And while that is undoubtedly true, in my opinion, he would only have point there if I wanted to add say a lace covered Bible or picture of Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker to the mix.

But I DON’T.

Since Satan is generally bigger, meaner, and more determined than me, the altar has stayed as is since he put it there. That is, until a few days ago. When I came home to find THIS added to the collection:

That’s right folks, our own personal statute of the V. M.

And, no, that's not some tiny little icon, either. We're talking our friend Mare, there, is upwards of four feet tall from her naked little toes to the top of her righteous little head.

Now, alert and long-time readers will recognize that screaming red wall as being located in the family room and they would be absolutely corrrect. Because, there's only one thing worse than having a giant Virgin Mary statue in your bright red family room. And that's having a giant Virgin Mary statue posted at the front door. Trust me on this. And, because the Our Lady is a little difficult to maneuver otherwise, she's now....

The Blessed Virgin on Wheels.

I know, I'm just exhausted.

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